she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
