All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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