I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
