life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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