Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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