That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
