see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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