this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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