How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
