the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
