if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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