just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
