Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
