she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
