I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
