I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
