She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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