Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
