I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
