Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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