anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
birth control should be required to get into college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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