So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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