just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
