I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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