yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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