I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
