Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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