i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
