Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
