she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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