I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
