i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
