god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
