Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
