I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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