Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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