Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
