last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
