Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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