I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nicole vs. Life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
