ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
