Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
