tell your sister to shave her snatch
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
