Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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