dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
