I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
