if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
