rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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