haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
