it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no, he came in my armpit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
