do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
