You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
